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“Why you should choose me.”

“Why you should choose me” she titled the top of her paper

She had so much hope and confidence, fueled from deep within her

She knew who she was and what she had to offer to the school

The day was here!

Her heart was racing, a mixture of fear and excitement.

Taking those big steps up to the stage 

That daunting microphone in front of her

An entire gym full of students and teachers.

A shaky breath sounded into the microphone

Her hearing muffled as she read that paper she worked so hard on 

After the last line she looked up into a quiet crowd. Slow applause started as she ran off the stage.

“All students awaiting results for student council, please come to the eagles den”

Heart pounding as she walked into the room filled with other students

Name after name was called 

Her name left unsaid 

The long walk back to class was the start to losing that flame that fueled everything she once believed about herself.

“I just need to be what they want me to be, then I will be enough. Then they will choose me” 

I opened my eyes, my therapist writing notes down 

My body beginning to relax

A memory I had blocked out almost 11 years ago had just resurfaced. A core memory that had changed my life.

Fast forward a couple of really mentally draining weeks working through these triggers. 

Something started to change.

She starting to break through again

I saw myself again on that stage, the same stage I felt utter humiliation from my peers. As I read my paper, I looked up and realized nobody was listening to what I had to say. I stopped reading the paper I had worked so hard on, looked up and walked off the stage. The gym was silent, eyes following me.

I was focused on one thing.

Leaving the place I didn’t feel appreciated or wanted. I knew I did my best. I knew I could make that school a better place. But they couldn’t see it.

It’s okay for people to not care for what you have to say. It’s okay for people to want something more or something less. It’s okay for someone to not believe in you. 

It’s okay to allow people to have their own human experience. 

You get to choose where you put your love and energy. You get to decide who is worthy of your heart. Love big, be kind, help others, but not at the cost of your well-being. 

The truth is that so many people love and value you. But not everyone will. So find those people that make your heart go “!!!”

Find the people that love and support you. Surround yourself with the people who see the good that you are. 

“Be a good person, but don’t waste your time proving it”

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