What changed?

Eight months ago something changed. Eight months ago was the start to my freedom.

Let me tell you all about it

I was listening to a podcast one morning, out of nowhere a thought popped into my head, 

“How do you expect to get to where you want to be without accepting where you’re at?”

I was trying so hard to become this amazing, confident version of myself but had completely neglected the girl who was dealing with so much pain and had no self love to combat the hurt.

I thought that if I just ignored those feelings, they would go away. If I pretended I wasn’t battling self confidence issues or that I felt good enough, everything would get better.

But it didn’t. It was exhausting being somebody I wasn’t. Not yet anyway. You see there is a difference in identifying with a future version of yourself and thinking who you are now isn’t good enough.

I have a sign hanging up in my room 

Identify with her (the future version of yourself) but do it for her (the past version of yourself)

I purchased a quote book from a video (I’ll link it below) and it went through the ever changing and evolving feelings of healing. Starting from the heartache that shifts to anger. To the “maybe I’m gonna be okay after all” and then right back to sadness or anger. 

Isn’t healing exciting?! (the answer is yes but right now it sucks)

Eventually those ups outweigh the downs. Eventually those dips become little potholes instead of a 12 feet hole in the ground. The ladder you use to climb out of that hole gets shorter. And it’s all because of you! 

When you take time to feel your emotions. Understand where they came from and why you feel the way you do, you begin to recognize what your body is trying to heal.

I think the relationship we have with our body, our inner voice, our soul, matters deeply. Just like every good relationship, it requires effort. It requires love and patience. When you have a deep relationship with someone it’s often because of the vulnerability that has been exchanged or shared.

When I began listening to my body for what it needed, everything changed. 

Say I am feeling super angry. Instead of being mad at my anger I ask myself questions. 

“Where did this come from?”

“Why am I feeling angry” (notice how I am “feeling” the anger, not identifying with it)

“What do I need to do to process this anger” 

“What does my body and mind need right now?”

If your anger could talk, what would it tell you?

Let’s play a game. I’ll be “anger” and you’ll be me a year ago. At this time, you were hanging out with someone that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, and you really care about them.

“I’m so confused, he gives me crazy mixed signals. I try so hard to be a good friend and he knows I like him. He acts like he likes me sometimes but then others I feel like he couldn’t care less about me. What am I doing wrong?! Why do I keep messing everything up?”

Okay now it’s time for anger to talk

“You deserve so much more. You have a big heart; you should give it to people who appreciate and love you. Not when it’s most convenient for them. You are not doing anything wrong! This has nothing to do with who you are rather than who THEY are. Not everyone you meet will appreciate and want you in their life. And that’s okay! Because there are so many other people waiting to love you exactly for who you are. I’m making you feel this way so you can recognize that this relationship is not giving you what you deserve. I love you!”

I could talk for days about what doing this process over and over again has done to my life but I’ll share a few key things.

The debilitating anxiety I would have daily, gone. The depression I would feel from my body trying to calm itself, gone. Never feeling good enough or lovable, GONE.

I stopped needing validation from others. I found that I loved spending time with myself. I started saying no to things that didn’t feel aligned. I started saying yes to finally creating the life of my dreams.

It all started with me accepting where I was at. 

Feeling my emotions, listening to my body, and giving myself the love and time I needed to heal.

I’ll never go back to the girl I used to be.

But I have so much love for that girl. She got me to where I am today, and I am her BIGGEST fan.

Home by Whitney Hanson: 9780143138006 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Your Bag
Shop cart Your Bag is Empty