It starts here

There has been a lot going on but also nothing. I sat at a temp reception job this past month. Part of me is sad it’s over, I look back and tell myself that I could’ve done so much better or I could’ve read more books, wrote more blogs, posted more content. But I was stuck. To be fair, I couldn’t type for a week and a half and was feeling so crappy.

Physical sickness really takes a toll on your mental health. You’d think being at home doing nothing would make you want to read more books, journal, work, you know, the productive things you do sitting down.

But all I want to do is lay in bed, watch my new TV obsession, eat food that probably won’t help me feel better and maybe have a good cry. Just as you feel your physical health significantly impacts your mental well-being, I think it all connects.

I want to talk about feeling better physically

And it all starts mental

I haven’t dug deep into “Big Pharma”. However I know how frustrating it can be to have countless pills prescribed, numerous procedures ordered or recommended, with little knowledge or care for how you feel mentally or what your lifestyle looks like. 

I was told ever since I was 17 that I had OCD, generalized anxiety, depression, and all it was was a “chemical imbalance”. Cycling through medications to find which one would make living more bearable.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe medications can be CRUCIAL to your wellbeing. Many people really do need stabilizers and medication to live as normal life as possible.

I was told the most effective way to treat this OCD was an incredibly high dosage of an anxiety medication. They encouraged therapy but it wasn’t talked about very much. Because it was a “chemical imbalance in my brain”.

I’ve recently started reading the book “How NOT to Die”, In the preface, Michael Greger shares the following quote;

“I opened my eyes to the depressing fact that there are other forces at work in medicine besides science. The U.S. healthcare system runs on a fee-for-service model in which doctors get paid for the pills and procedures they prescribe, rewarding quantity over quality. We don’t get reimbursed for time spent counseling our patients about the benefits of healthy eating. If doctors were instead paid for performance, there would be a financial incentive to treat the lifestyle causes of disease. Until the model of reimbursement changes, I don’t expect great changes in medical care or medical education.” 

I’ve recently stopped taking this medication after about two years. I shivered throughout the day as a side effect of the high dosage and was still feeling anxious, It just wasn’t as debilitating. 

Then I started different forms of therapy. Life coaching, exposure therapy, EMDR. I started working through the root to these mental blocks. It was uncomfortable. I was anxious, I felt depressed frequently, I felt like I was letting people down. I was losing myself, at least I thought I was. I felt like I was disappointing God. I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

“Strength grows in the moments you feel you cannot go on, and you do anyways”

This was a phase of life I had never experienced. I had never challenged my anxiety. I had never believed there was a way to “fix me”, that didn’t consist of medication. I was believing and living my life differently. I started to not care as much, in all the best ways. 

Oh I was disappointing people? Not my problem. Oh I wasn’t the people pleasing girl I’d been my entire life who would rather suffer mentally than “let someone down”? Crazy! Oh people didn’t agree with the things I believed or the way I lived my life? None of my Business.

I thought I was losing myself. I thought everything was falling apart. I thought I was on a “slippery slope”. I felt as if everything was falling through my hands. I was right, it was.

I was chipping away at these beliefs and root issues that had made me who I was. I was replacing them with something better. But all I could see for a while was the broken shell of a person I was.

Because growth is uncomfortable.

Things started coming together. I began giving myself permission to feel what I felt.

I started saying no and taking mental breaks, began standing up for myself, set boundaries. “I am afraid I will fall away from God” I would tell my life coach. 

“So what if you do?” She replied

We are here to experience it all.

I realized my intention behind all of this was the complete opposite of everything I feared.

I was and will be OKAY!

Fast forward to today

I LOVE how I feel. I love who I am. I feel so much more at peace than I’ve ever felt. I am closer to God than ever. I have learned to endure and thrive in the uncomfortable. 

But it took work, it took change.

I still have a long way to go

Many of my physical struggles have disappeared. And when something does come up, I handle it with love for my body and mind. “What do you need?”

Listen to your body. What you feel is real, but it’s not always true. Challenge it. 

You deserve to be free of the pain

You deserve everything good.

I’m rooting for you!!


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